Fuck Society – Why you should break free from society’s expectations

by Allgemein

expectations

June 19th, 2014. I woke up to a sunset in the clouds over Asia. I was on my way to Bangkok and onward to Phuket to become a Scuba Dive Instructor.

Just 4 days ago was my last work day in my agency I have been working with for more than 3 years. It was a bittersweet goodbye. I knew that I found great friends and I would terribly miss them. But I also knew it was time for me to break free.

It was 7 months earlier that I took a trip to Cambodia and Vietnam. It was life-changing even though there was not a special event that I can make out which would have made me aware of what I need to change. Besides of being incredibly sick in Siem Reap, getting robbed in Ho Chi Minh City and some other minor troubles on the road, this was a trip like many others. But it was the spirit to be free and roaming that made me ponder about my life. 

The Bird in The Cage 

I returned to Berlin, knowing that I have done everything but I just don’t quite ‘fit in’. I lived a nice life in Berlin. I liked my job, even though it was very demanding, I worked a lot of hours and the clients often got onto my nerves. I still liked it. My colleagues and bosses were cool until a new supervisor was hired for the project management team. She decided to bully me for more than 2 years.  Fantastic.  Over the years I slowly felt like one of the yellow birds in a cage, trying to fly high but hitting walls with every beat of my wings.

The cage grew tighter and smaller day by day and I felt more trapped the longer I lived a solid and secure life with a proper 9-5 (or 7-6) job, friends around me, a social care system – and no way for personal growth. This wasn’t my life.
I knew it,  but somehow I tried to prove myself wrong. Why? For my peace of mind? For society’s peace of mind?  For my parents’ peace of mind? Because it seemed easier that way? Only the universe knows.

To be honest, for a long time I have been told how one has to live life. We grow up in a society that tells you what not to wear, what to think,  how to behave, to fit in and to walk with the crowds. But I just didn’t like the crowds. I didn’t like ‘fitting in’, didn’t like the way I was supposed to think and behave. I much rather just liked to be… me.

Outsider Gone Loud

I was always an outsider considering that I grew up with 2 chronic diseases that were invisible but highly impacting. I would act weird for people who didn’t know me or my story. Taking care of my diseases or trying to prevent them would make me look like a weirdo more than once. But I had to do what I needed to do to take care of me and my body.

I grew a solid “I don’t give a fuck about other people’s opinions” attitude that surely saved me from getting depressed, overthinking or too much people-pleasing.

Instead, I stood up for myself, even though I knew it meant trouble. I used my voice for others if they weren’t loud enough. I kept being weird, in my way and continued to not be shut down by louder voices.

expectations 2

Was it easy? No. Was it necessary? For damn sure.

What I learnt over all those years is, that really brave are those who dare to use their voices. Often people will try to talk you over, shut you down or tell you, no one would listen to you. It’s all bullshit. There will be always someone listening. Your voice is always worth to be heard and you should never shut up because you feel you are the only one to speak up.

We have the right to speak freely – we shall as well use it.

Now, what do I mean with Fuck society? Why am I saying such radical thing? It’s simple – you wouldn’t read this if I’d say “some of the society’s expectations and rules are bullshit” – so I tell you to not give a single Fuck instead.
There is no need to be told who you are and how you should be behaving. Want to wear socks with your sandals? Go for it! Want to dance like no one is watching when waiting for the bus? Hell Yes, Girl! Don’t want to have a family later but travel around instead?  You do, what’s good for YOU!

Life is all about what you make out of it. It’s YOUR life after all. Why should we allow anyone else to judge us, tell us off or rule our minds and decisions?

MY INDEPENDENCE DAY

Today 3 years ago, I gave the last fuck I had left over on what society think I should do, left my home country for good, moved to Thailand and became a Scuba Dive Instructor. Since that day, I also worked and lived in Australia and travelled all over Latin America. I moved to Hanoi and worked and lived there. Did I have people telling me not to do so and what to do instead? Plenty! But without any fucks leftover to give on what anyone else thinks I should be doing, I only listened to my inner weirdo that told me what I really want to do. And I totally went all in for it!

expectations 1
And the best about it? I am happier than ever before.
One thing that I can highly recommend to anyone out there: Stop giving a fuck about society’s expectations and live by your own rules! 


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16 Comments

  1. Shannon

    Of course I clicked on this for the title. I feel the same way recently. I have terrible social anxiety and I let it rule my life for WAY too long. I have decided to tell my anxiety, and society, (much of my anxiety is actually from society and these standards- isnt that ironic) to f off and leave me alone. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and I can just feel people’s casual asking about engagement as a judgement…and I don’t understand why everyone “has” to get married! It’s silly… we have told society to go screw themselves on that one. lol

    Reply
    • Monique

      Hi Shannon,
      thank you so much for your feedback! I can totally feel you. The standards society tries to put on us (no matter where we live, as in each country there are certain standards that we are expected to live by) are just a result from evolution. In my opinion it takes way too long to adapt new options in society minds (such as gay marriage, no marriage for couples who are together for long time, married couples that don’t want kids, or like me – women who want to be solo, not having kids or be married at all 😉 ). But in the end it is indeed our choice what we do about it. Yes, it is indeed easier to just live as we have been told to, and not to “cause troubles”. Or – we can decide to live life by OUR rules and standards.
      You know whats interesting? Once you started living by your standards and being true to yourself, all these questions, judgments and opinions will become meaningless and all you will do is smile and wave 😉

      Reply
  2. Kamran

    Totally agree. I’m only 16 and I’m so happy that I’m not part of conformity anymore. I became a much more mature human being, improved my social skills, understood the purpose of life etc.

    I am a minimalist and most people I know don’t understand or respect my choices. They would rather live a depressive 9-5 life. But you know what?

    I don’t give a scheisse!

    Reply
    • Mohsin

      Excellent!!! So inspirational!!!!! Thanks You Lot

      Reply
  3. brucey

    Great title, just how I feel. Just how I always felt, and I mean always but you would never guess if you Knew how I have been employed over the years. I wish the internet had been invented decades, ago great ideas.

    Reply
  4. Bella Clark

    I loved this article. I have always had social anxiety for the past 8 years, ever since i moved to this one school that bullied me because of my individuality. I would never wear makeup, dress ‘trendy’ or hsve social media, and above all- I made it my number 1 priority to respect everyone for who they are. Because of this, I was put down for so many years. Only recently have i started to realise how everyone is just doing the same thing day in day out as the other person. That sounds like a boring life. So, I (like you) confirmed a day (3 weeks ago) when I have officially confirmed im going to screw societys expectations and live my own life. While I still have no friends, i believe to meet the right person i need to be patient. Thanks again for this awesome page.

    Reply
  5. Lisa Betteridge

    Hey, thank you for your clear cut advice and message. I am a teacher and I tutor in the evenings too. Teaching in the UK has its issues and like you, I feel the cage tighten a little more every day. My day begins at 6 am and finishes at 9 pm. It’s not living. My husband and I are considering a whole lifestyle change a d moving house, so your words were quite inspiring!

    Reply
    • Monique

      Hi Lisa,

      I am glad to hear I was able to inspire you. Everything is possible (not saying easy).
      With the right amount of effort and will to work for it you can make a life outside of the cage happen for you and your husband! I believe this to the deepest core of my heart!

      Good luck and let me know how it goes!
      //Monique

      Reply
  6. reg

    Good for you. You go girl. Nice one

    Reply
    • Monique

      Thanks Reg, very much appreciated!

      Reply
  7. Marchello James Bollatti

    I hope to one-day get out of the rat race to live free in a foreign country. Your story is inspiring

    Reply
  8. Tuya

    I totally agree with you. I’d love to join your community but I don’t have facebook account cause I don’t like social media. Is there a different way for me to join your community? ?

    Reply
    • Monique

      Thank you so much Tuya, I am planning to open a community here where you can join with simply your email address and get news and monthly tips. I’ll let you know when we are ready to go.

      Reply
  9. Adam VonAesch

    I feel stuck in society and it feels like socialized conformity that was plugged into my mind since I started kindergarten. I realized this at 39, all the debt the school loans the 8 to 6 job it’s not healthy it’s an illusion of freedom. When I think about it’s more like an invisible system of slavery. It’s also hard to escape from when you are married and have a wife and two beautiful daughters. My dream is a boat to go north and south through the America’s to explore this earth for myself. Basically I want rock that bitch up and down the coast blasting rock’n roll music the whole way. I’m saving up for my boat my passage to freedom. Or that’s at least my dream. Society is filled with selfishness and vanity, it crushes kindness and as you said you have to speak your mind. I’m happy you were able to break free.

    Reply
  10. Celeste

    I’m only sixteen but this spoke volumes. Thank you <3

    Reply
  11. Adam VonAesch

    Monique, I found your article, again. I had forgotten I made a comment here before. Looks like I was having the same thoughts last year at about the same time. No boat, still in the same rut. I too am a project manager for a career, and it drags and drags. So many corporate process it is pathetic. Every company thinks they have something special, but they are the same processes just with different names. Your article was again fun to read. I hope all is well in this interesting time for you.

    Reply

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